Sunday, October 4, 2015

Fashionista Mommy Adventures: Parenting Matters Part II

So here we are at Day 2 of the course and here's another gem that I'd like to share, something that Islam has always emphasised on us, i.e. lineage. According to a hadith, the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. said that a woman should be married based on four (4) things, which among them is her lineage. The speaker shared many stories on the lineage of some very notable scholars and leaders of our time. Let me retell those story.

Story # 1: Caliph Umar ibn 'Abd al-'Aziz 

Narrated `Abdullah ibn Zayd ibn Aslam, from his father, from his grandfather, who said: When I was accompanying `Umar ibn al-Khattab (radi Allahu ‘anhu) on his patrol of Madinah at night, he felt tired, so he leant against a wall. It was the middle of the night, and (we heard) a woman say to her daughter, “O my daughter, get up and mix that milk with some water.” The girl said, “O Mother, did you not hear the decree of Amir al-Mu’minin today?” The mother said, “What was that?” The girl said, “He ordered someone to announce in a loud voice that milk should not be mixed with water.” The mother said, “Get up and mix the milk with water; you are in a place where `Umar cannot see you.” The girl told her mother, “I cannot obey Him (Allah) in public and disobey Him in private.” `Umar (radi Allahu ‘anhu) heard this, and told me: “O Aslam, go to that place and see who that girl is, and to whom she was speaking, and whether she has a husband.” So I went to that place, and I saw that she was unmarried, the other woman was her mother, and neither of them had a husband. I came to `Umar (radi Allahu ‘anhu) and told him what I had found out. He called his sons together, and said to them: “Do any of you need a wife, so I can arrange the marriage for you? If I had the desire to get married, I would have been the first one to marry this young woman.” `Abdullah said: “I have a wife.” `Abd al-Rahman said: “I have a wife.” `Asim said: “I do not have a wife, so let me marry her.” So `Umar arranged for her to be married to `Asim. She gave him a daughter, who grew up to be the mother of `Umar ibn `Abd al-`Aziz (rahimahullah) who was called 'Umar al Thani (the second 'Umar).

Story # 2: Imam Abu Hanifa

It is narrated that in the first century of the Hijra Calendar  there lived a pious man who constantly looked for knowledge and used to give all his time to this cause but he was poor. One day he left home due to his extreme hunger since he had found nothing to eat at home and so he ended up heading towards one of the gardens on the roadside. This garden was full of apple trees and one of which had a few of its branches hanging outside the fence on the roadside. His inner self started whispering to him to eat an apple to remove his hunger and that no one would see him. After all the apple garden wouldn't be affected by the absence of only one apple. He plucked an apple and sat down to eat it until his hunger disappeared. But when he went back home, his consciousness (al nafs) started aching him and he started to ask himself how he could do such a thing (this is always the case of a mukmin, a believer i.e he always judges and punishes his soul for the wrongdoings he does). Sitting down, he started asking himself how he could eat an apple which is of another Muslim's wealth and possession and yet he never asked his permission before plucking it. Neither had he asked the owner for his forgiveness. Getting up the next morning, he headed outdoor in search of this garden's owner until he found him. This young man then told him (the owner), "Uncle, yesterday extreme hunger got great hold of me and I ate an apple from your garden without you knowing and today I have come to ask for your permission for having taken it." 
The owner replied, "By Allah I will not forgive you.. In fact I am angry from you until the Day of Judgement where I will complain to Allah about you." 

The young lad then started crying and pleading to him to forgive him and that he was ready to do anything for him on condition that he forgives him and makes him clean of sins again through this forgiveness. He continued pleading and the owner refuses and grows more and more stubborn insisting on his point. Leaving the garden, the young lad followed at his heels pleading that he change his mind until finally this owner arrived at his own home, entered and closed the door. The young lad remained waiting by the door in anticipation of seeing him once again when Asr prayer would come when he had to leave for prayers. When at last,the owner came out, he found the lad still standing outside the door with tears streaming down his beard making his face glow with more light(noor) than the light of Iman (faith) and knowledge which had already previously prevailed on his face. 

The lad, "Uncle, I am ready to work as a garden worker in this garden of yours without a salary the whole of my life or any other thing you wish me to carry out for you on condition that you forgive me." 

At this moment, the garden owner stopped to think for a while and then said, "Son, I am ready to forgive you now but on one condition...." 

The lad got so happy and his face once again got filled with joy and he replied, "Give me any condition you wish, uncle." 

The owner, "My only condition is that you marry my daughter!!!" 

The lad was shocked from this condition,got stunned and couldn't understand this condition. 

The owner continued, "But son... you must know that my daughter is blind, deaf and cannot talk. She doesn't walk either and is always sitted. For a long time now, I have been searching for a husband for her whom I can trust to take care of her and accept her as she is with all her features which I mentioned to you. I will forgive you only if you accept to marry her." 

The lad was once again shocked with this second disaster. He then started thinking how he would be able to live with such a burden especially that he was still young and on his first steps in his career life. How could she take care of him and look after his house when she had such defects? He then started telling himself, "Have patience regarding her and at least get saved from the Hereafter's punishment which this apple would cause you." 

He then looked towards the owner and said, "Uncle, I have accepted your daughter and I ask Allah to reward me well for my intention and that He rewards me with something better than what He inflicted me with." 

The owner replies, "Well then son....your date is next Thursday at my place for the Walimah (celebration) of your marriage and I will be responsible (take care) of her Mahr (dowry)." 

When Thursday came, this young lad came walking with heavy steps, full of sorrow, with a broken heart unlike any other groom on his wedding day. When he knocked on the door, her dad opened the door and let him in. After they had sat and talked a bit, the bride's dad told the lad, "Please feel free to enter the room where your bride is sitted..and may Allah place His baraka (blessings) on you both and around you both. May He bring onto both of you all goodness and mercy .." 

He then took him by his hand and led him to the room where his daughter sat waiting. When he opened the door and looked inside, the lad found seated a girl whose face was whiter than the moon and whose hair hang loosely on her shoulders like silk. She then got up and walked towards him with her shoulders stretched outwards and told him, "Assalamu Alaikum my husband." 

Standing in his place, the lad stood staring at her as if he was in front of a hooreya (i.e one of the beautiful ladies of Paradise who have never lived on Earth before) from the hooreyats of Jannah who had instead come to earth. He couldn't believe his eyes and just didn't know what had happened or why her dad had said such bad things about her. She at once understood what was going through his mind and at once went nearer to him, held his hand and kissed it saying, "I am blind from looking towards forbidden (haram) things and I am deaf from listening to forbidden talk and I am unable to talk about forbidden things. My feet too do not walk towards haram things.... I am the only child of my dad and for a couple of years now, my dad has been searching for a good pious husband for me. So when you came to him asking his permission for an apple and weeping for its sake, he told me: 'Whoever fears from eating an apple for which he hasn't asked permission for acquiring it, then he will sure look after my daughter and fear Allah in treating her badly' congratulations to me for having you as a husband and congratulations to my dad for having you as his son-in-law." 

(They would later have a son named Nu'man aka Imam Abu Hanifa (ra))

Story # 3: Abdullah ibn Zubayr and Umar al-Khattab

A son of the Hawwariyy al-Rasul, Zubayr ibn al-`Awwam, and Abu Bakr's daughter, Asma’. He was the first child to be born of the Muhajirun at Madinah in 1 H. The Prophet (saws) placed a chewed date in the infant’s mouth when he was presented to him after birth, and named him `Abdullah. Once children playing in the street saw `Umar ibn al-Khattab coming towards them, they fled in fear – except Ibn Zubayr. `Umar asked him why he hadn’t fled. He replied, “Neither have I committed a wrong, nor is the street too narrow. So why should I run away?” `Umar was pleased with the courageous reply. 

So, what does this tell us? It tells us that our children are a reflection of who we are. They become our mirror. So if you want children who are good, pious, God-fearing, then make sure you are one, then your children will follow suit. Going back to lineage, wouldn't you want your descendants to be a leader like Umar ibn 'Abd al-'Aziz, a scholar like Imam Abu Hanifa or courageous like Abdullah ibn Zubayr? 

Why is our children so important to us? This is because, based on the hadith of the Prophet p.b.u.h., when a man dies, his good deeds come to an end, except three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge and righteous offspring who will pray for him. Thus it is definitely in our favour to raise righteous children.  

Another analogy that the speaker gave was, imagine if the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. were to visit you in your home, would you change your tv channel? Would you change the clothes that you are wearing? Would you speak in a different manner? Thus if you want to be in Jannah with the Prophet, make sure you lead a lifestyle that befits a neighbour of the Prophet p.b.u.h.

xoxo Mrs Fashionista

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