Happy Mother's Day!

When I think of Mother's Day, I am always reminded by this quote by Abraham Lincoln:

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." 

Me and my mum in Yogyakarta. She came to accompany me for an academic conference because hubs wasn't able to join me.

As a mother myself, I am always reminded of all the joy and love I feel for my daughters. The hopes and dreams that I have for them, the prayers that I make so that they are not only be successful in this worldly life, but also be good and pious Muslims, and attain success in the afterlife as well. Which is why I was affected by a post on social media which I read a few days ago from a daughter who is obviously unhappy with the relationship that she has with her mother.

As Muslims, we learn that we should always strive to maintain a good relationship with our parents (especially to our mothers). This is apparent in a number of hadith by the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.:

A man came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (PBUH) said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim)

A man once consulted the Prophet Muhammad about taking part in a military campaign. The Prophet asked the man if his mother was still living. When told that she was alive, the Prophet said: “(Then) stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

On another occasion, the Prophet said: “God has forbidden for you to be undutiful to your mothers.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

However, not everyone are blessed with a good relationship with their mothers or even with their parents.  There may be times where we may not be at the best of relationships with our mother (or both our parents). For some of you, like the post on social media that I read, may be estranged or in a difficult relationship with your mother (or both parents or other family members).

Do you know that our Prophets also have been tested with strained family relationships? Here are some examples:

Prophet Adam a.s. had a son who killed the other.

Prophet Nuh a.s. who even as his son was in the water did not accept his call to Islam. His son later drowned.

Prophet Nuh and Lut whose wives are non-believers.

Prophet Ibrahim a.s. whose father threw him in the fire.

Prophet Yaacob a.s. whose sons had a hatred so deep against their own brother i.e. Prophet Yusuf that they would lie to their own father so that they could kill Prophet Yusuf.

Prophet Yusuf a.s. whose brothers conspired to kill him and threw him in a well with the hopes that he would die.

Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. whose uncles (Abu Lahab and Abu Jahl) constantly mocked him and also conspired to kill him.

The thing that I've learnt from our Prophets is that, they have never wished bad things for their family members whom they are estranged from. Prophet Ibrahim a.s. tirelessly prayed for his father to accept Islam (Surah Maryam, verses 41 - 48) while Prophet Yusuf a.s. forgave his brothers and invited them to stay with him in Egypt (Surah Yusuf, verse 99).

We are not perfect and nor are we prophets. But we do strive to follow from the best example and the best example that we have is our Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.

Let us take heed from this hadith by the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.:

"The best of you is the best to his family and I am the best amongst you to my family."

May Allah protect our Mothers (and our Fathers too) and make them among the people of Jannah. May Allah protect our relationship with our family and forgive us all for our wrongdoings and keep us on the straight path. Ameen.

Alexa's handwritten Mother's Day card which she gave to me yesterday. Thank you to E'en and Eqa for helping her with the card =).

Happy Mother's Day everyone!


xoxo Fareiny

New year, new blog and a not-so-new, me!

*cough*cough*

Hello there! 

It's been a year and here I am dusting the cobwebs on my blog, trying to figure out whether I should continue blogging or just continue leaving it as it is and pursue my other non-interests such as wiping snot off Alexa's nose or changing Isabel's diapers now that she's pooped for the third time in the same day (kidding!).

It's challenging being a working mom. Though in good times and bad times, Allah's plans are the best of plans, Alhamdulillah.  May Allah protect them from all that is evil and make them strong like Khadijah a.s. (the wife of our Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.). Ameen!

Anyway, since I've been away from the blogging space, my thoughts on I should be writing this and that, unfortunately, refuse to leave me, for I do love writing. So here we are, back here, with me thinking of the things that I should write more of and trying to fit blogging into my already packed schedule. 

Ah well, I've made up my mind and hopefully you'll see more of me (my writing at least), in this space. 

Until then, love and positivity always!

xoxo Fareiny

Mommyhood: Three Years Later

Time flies, Masha Allah. Alexa will turn three next week and here I am, amazed that we survived the past three years *phew*. Alexa is still alive and kicking, Alhamdulillah, and she has the makings of a healthy toddler and she also has transitioned well from babyhood to toddlerhood. And no, that doesn't mean that she's a docile, well-behaved toddler, but she's behaving just like a toddler would, loud, opinionated (when she wants to),stubborn, cheeky and I wouldn't want it any other way.

If I have time, one of the things I would do is to bring Alexa to the playground. It's one of the things that I know she looks forward to, she would say, "Alexa mok pegi playgeraon." Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of time (as I am sure most mothers don't have the same luxury as well) but we do what we can, don't we?

Positive signs of toddlerhood (in my opinion) includes: laughing when she's happy, fascination at the weirdest stuff (current fascination includes aeroplanes, escalators *yikes*, and talcum powder), crying out loud when she doesn't get her way (we have a 50-50 rule against this, we let her cry sometimes and we give in sometimes), singing (usually when she's enjoying the moment), stubborn when she wants something and sometimes there's drama (she even knows how to sulk *gosh*). She sometimes wants to pick her own clothes (I've told her, she's not ready for fashion) and even objects to the clothes that we pick for her (when I was smaller, my parents made me wear bright yellow pants with a bright red shirt and never did I object to that). She gets frustrated at me (I mean, seriously?) and I know that because she would have this exaggerated sigh and say, "Mommy tok eh."

I love reading to her and to be honest, I don't read out word by word, usually I just explain the illustrations and on other days, I let her explain them to me =).

Being me, I actually have a mental checklist of things that I want Alexa to learn, and I want to make sure that she has these capabilities before she starts kindergarten. Here are three of them:

Alexa at Benbino's, Publika. Love their set up and I know Alexa enjoyed herself as well. Would have enjoyed the place better if they had bigger portions (most are kid-sized portions so you kinda have to order more food). 

1. Be Happy in Her Own Skin
I think we've achieved that so far. We try (very hard) to give constructive criticism when we can. It's not easy I must say (coming from an Asian family where criticism is a culture), and so far we haven't been really successful with this (I'd say my success rate is perhaps 20 - 30%) but I do try to remind myself to say things in a positive manner instead of a negative manner. But Alhamdulillah so far she is happy and hopefully she'll learn to be confident next.
How do I know that she's happy? Firstly, she's very excited to share what she's up to. We sent her to kindergarten for a few days, she cried for the first couple of days but by the third day she came home all happy, bubbly and all excited. There were lots of singing involved on the drive home. She also has her solo playtime and she likes to play make believe with her lego toys. She gives them her milk bottle (I told her the milk bottle is too big for the lego man) and puts them to sleep (arranging them properly on the bed and putting the blanket over them and petting them to sleep).

Alexa having fun at one of the conferences which we had attended. Alhamdulillah the conference organisers do provide toys for the kids to play with which is absolutely great.

2. To Share What She Has with Others
This is a work in progress but I want her to have the ability to be kind and not be afraid to share. So far this is working only half of the time but Alhamdulillah, at least she's trying.
This is how I do it:
Whenever we go for conferences or events, I would buy/ pack a packet of crayons or color pencils and a drawing block for her. Besides that (if I remember to), I would also buy a set of stickers and a packet of balloons. Kids just love stickers and balloons. Then we would also have one or two books handy (because we hope to foster her interest in reading as well). During conferences, in the mother's room, I would have her color/ play with balloons/ stickers or read her book. Other kids would come (kids are naturally curious) and I would encourage Alexa to share her stuff with them. The first couple of times it was difficult for her to share but after the third time or so, she's more comfortable with sharing. I do notice most parents do bring toys for their kids but they are very afraid of sharing (to the point that they would tell the kids to give back Alexa's crayons/ stickers/ balloons etc).

This is us at Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan's session at Masjid Wilayah. 

Personally I feel that that is not the right approach to sharing. The best way would have been to teach the kids to ask for permission in using other people's stuff (it's the perfect occasion for it) and let them play with each other. And once the playtime is over, also encourage the kids to return whatever items that's not theirs. I feel that the parents are the best example to the kids and if we want our children to be generous and kind, we must show how generosity and kindness is practiced in front of the kids so that they can take heed.

Alexa joining my mum and me for Tafseer of Surah Al-Mulk in Shah Alam. As you can see, she always has crayons and a drawing book with her to keep her occupied during the program. As with other toddlers, she does get bored after a while (she does not do this all day). If she needs to run/ walk/ explore, I let her be and just make sure she's within eyesight.

3. Have the Habit of Asking
Kids, being kids, do not know how to ask for things and usually they will snatch the items that they want from the shelves/ other kids etc. I learnt this from a colleague of mine in UiTM when many years ago, she and her family went for visiting to our home for Eid. We had these KFC Hello Kitty figurines in our house and her kids liked them. Her kids were around 7 to 10 years old at the time. When their father saw them playing with the figurines, he asked the kids, did you ask permission? And wonderfully, the kids did ask permission before playing and they even asked if they could keep the figurines and bring them home. What I like about this is that the kids are open and honest, they liked something and they wanted to play with it. They wanted it enough to take them home. And I did give some of them to them, but not all. No tantrums, with proper thank you's and I loved the whole experience. My colleague was slightly embarrassed but to me, hey, there's no need to be embarrassed. Your kids are amazing!
So what we've done is to try and remind Alexa to properly ask for what she needs/ wants and say thank you after. It's still a work-in-progress but Alhamdulillah, she sometimes do it (and sometimes she doesn't). What matters is that we keep on teaching and reminding her to ask, and say thank you (and we show her how it's done as well).

Running to go to kindergarten. Alhamdulillah she is excited about school.

Kids are amazing, they learn the darnest things (so be careful of what you say and do in front of them) and everything is a work-in-progress. As a parent, it does get frustrating sometimes and it gets overwhelming as well. Don't give up and take baby steps together. As much as we are teaching them the necessities of life, they are also teaching us how to be a better person, inshaa Allah. Celebrate small successes and teach them the importance of trying.

Me, a work-in-progress.


xoxo Mrs Fashionista

Fashionista Mommy Adventures: Parenting Matters

So here I am, always ending up to find myself attending a course here and there in KL. And I think that's only because KL has all these fantastic courses with an equally impressive line up of speakers that I feel that I wouldn't be doing justice to myself if I were not to be in attendance. Today, and tomorrow as well, I am attending Al-Kauthar's Parenting Matters, The Art of Raising Righteous Children Seminar. 

Okay, the seminar has not ended, but I am indeed very, very excited to write on one parenting method which the speaker, Sheikh Alaa Elsayed has shared with us this afternoon (and this explains the sudden motivation to blog, because if I don't, I might forget it). Among the various methods that we can use to nurture a child's development, i.e. storytelling, direct and open communication, encouragement, praise etc etc, is one term which is called "word association". 

Children normally look up to their parents and people who are close to them such as the grandparents, maid, school teacher, classmates, cousins etc, therefore whatever we do and say in front of them would have an effect to how they perceive the world. For example, if we were awed by a stunt which we had watched in the tv or movie, and then praised the actor for doing such a good job/ stunt, children would associate doing similar activities as something praiseworthy and then try to imitate such actions. That is why nowadays we see there are numerous videos on YouTube of children as young as 2 years old being able to dance like Beyonce, do karate like Bruce Lee and retell the Red Riding Hood tale from memory. It is simply due to practice (of course) and the praise of their parents/ guardians on how great they were doing those stuff. 

Children live by praise and they absolutely love to be praised (as would any other normal human beings), it's just that as adults we tend to take a more humble approach when someone comes up and gives us praise. Therefore to encourage (or discourage) them, we should be aware of the words that we use, as children would then associate those words and give them meaning. For example, if you would like your child to have a good role model (which you want them to look up to) then you should relate your praise to that role model. Let's say you want them to take on the Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. as an example, then associate what they are doing with what the Prophet does. If they share their toys/ food with another child, then you can say, Mashaa Allah, you are following in the footsteps of the Prophet for he also love to share his food with his companions. Then you could perhaps end the praise with a story of the Prophet. Similarly, if you want to stop them from doing an act like shouting and screaming, then if you catch them shouting and screaming (and even fighting) say astaghfirullah, and explain why we don't scream or shout to each other. The child would then associate the words Mashaa Allah with a good act and astaghfirullah with a bad act. 

Similarly, for parents who would like to encourage their child to become doctors, engineers, or even religious scholars, you could start by adding the title "Dr/ Engineer/ Sheikh etc" before their name. However, other parents might find this to be suffocating to the child or even cause excessive pressure towards the child so proceed with caution. In my opinion, it would be a good thing, i.e. positive reinforcement is always a good thing, but only if I feel that my child is comfortable with the title. If he or she looks uncomfortable, then maybe we can discuss about the matter and drop the title. Knowing kids, the girls would definitely go to various phases such as Princess, then Doctor, then Engineer, whatever. Which is not a problem. But make sure you are guiding your child towards becoming a more confident individual who knows that he or she is capable to achieving their goal and knows how to go about it (with the help of supportive parents, of course). 

In regards to the parenting course, I find it to be extremely beneficial. Even just by attending half a day (I had class this morning) I have learnt a lot and I look forward to learning more tomorrow. I believe that as a parent, we all try our best for our children and often times there may be occasions that we feel guilty due to certain actions that we make (well, I know I do). There even may be people who (gleefully) point out what they deem to be "mistakes" that we are making. Believe me when I say, if you are doing you're best, Allah knows and inshaa Allah things will turn out to be the best. But when things get hard, make dua'a because a mother's dua'a for the child is the best dua'a. Imam al-Sudais credits his mom to be the cause of him becoming the Imam of the Haram and even Imam al-Bukhari (who was blind as a child) was able given back sight because of his mother's tenacity in making dua'a. Especially when you are angry at your child (due to whatever mischief that they have managed to land themselves in) that is the best times to make dua'a, and this is as evidenced by Imam al-Sudais. He mentioned that whenever he made mischief and made his mom angry, his mom would say,  May Allah make you the Imam of the Haram. Mashaa Allah, her words came true. 

Am definitely going to practice word association with Alexa. May Allah make her a hafiza (memoriser of the Quran), Ameen!

To becoming better parents. 

xoxo Mrs Fashionista 

Fashionista Mommy Adventures: Hypnobirthing Class

Motherhood has indeed opened my eyes to a whole new world and as a newbie, I am definitely excited to learn new things. Having planned for a vaginal birth and ended up with a caesarian (you can read all about my giving birth story here), I am definitely apprehensive for my second one (no, I am not pregnant yet but it's never too early to start preparations for birth, especially when I am planning for a VBAC).

So imagine how excited I am when I learnt of a hypnobirthing course that was to be conducted in Kuching and despite me having given birth just seven months ago and am advised by the doctor to plan for another one at least a year and a half after the previous birth, I decided to enrol for the course. I believe as part of my effort in ensuring the success of a VBAC, I need to take a proactive role in getting to learn what are the risks involved, toning and exercising my body so that it is strong and able to perform a VBAC, taking care of the food that I eat (I am well known for my happy food choices instead of healthy food *blush*) and of course at the end of the day it all depends on what God has in plan for us, I do believe my first caesarian is the best birthing experience for me and Alexa (I had prayed for the best birth for both of us) and if I've tried my all and still have to do a caesarian, maybe God has planned it that way. But, that (fate) does not stop me from trying.

I learnt about the course from a support group that I joined in Facebook (you can look up the group here), made my payment and waited for the day to come. It's a two-day intensive course with loads of open discussions, video presentations and hands-on breathing exercises. The program starts at 9.30 in the morning and ends at 5 pm. In between we have a lunch break from 12.30 pm until 2.15 pm.

Handouts

The hypnobirthing book.

Upon registration, I was given a file filled with handouts, hypnobirthing book (attached with its own CD) and another relaxation CD, plopped myself on a very comfortable sofa and waited for the session to start. There were only five other people in the room, Mellona (who's about 34 weeks pregnant) and her husband (it's supposed to be a couples course but hubs couldn't make it as he wasn't able to leave work), Latifah (not pregnant), Lilian (currently expecting her third child), yours truly (not pregnant) and Nadine (our speaker/ facilitator, and I actually did manage to ask her whether she's expecting *hehe*). You might notice that it's such a small number of participants for an intensive course, but the good thing is, we get to share our stories and experiences with each other and the course felt as if it's very personalised and the best part is, Nadine get to teach and also let us practice each breathing techniques and exercises individually, and with each other.

This is kinda how the course was conducted. And if you're wondering about those mats, yes we did get a chance to roll on them *haha*.

There's Mellona, her husband and Latifah, rapt attention focused on Nadine.

During one of the hands-on activity session, Nadine and Latifah.

Chris presenting a cake to Nadine by the end of the course. Yummylicious! Thank you Chris for the cake!

I'm not going to share much about the course here as I do believe that the best way for you to gain information on hypnobirthing is by attending the course. However, I've come to the conclusion that:

1.  Should I have attended this course before the birth of Alexa, I could have prevented an induction, ethanol and epidural pain relief, even possibly experience a vaginal birth simply by practicing the exercise and breathing techniques that was taught during the course. Note to self: am getting the birth ball soon.

2. I would have known more on deliveries, especially those related to the natural birthing process and water birth (we were shown plenty of videos on those and surprisingly I wasn't squeamish by all of it).

3. I would most probably have felt calmer during my giving birth experience (truth be told, one of the things that terrified me was the possibility of getting an episiotomy).

The course taught me that it is possible to experience and embrace a natural birth and I would have to say among all the things I have done relating to pregnancy and giving birth, this course would have to be the best investment in ensuring the possibility of a gentle birth a reality (I'll definitely share on my second birth experience when I get my second one in the future). I really recommend this course for first-time mothers (or even second, third, fourth time mothers), medical practitioners (so that they know gentle birth does not necessary mean home birth) and also to fathers as well (as they would be the ones in the labor room supporting their wife through the birthing experience).

Interested to know more? You can look up Nadine's website on gentle birth [here]. Seriously, the best investment you could ever make is an investment in yourself and this is one investment you should not miss. If you're wondering about the cost, we paid for about RM800 for the two day course and early birds get to pay only RM780.

Looking forward to a better birthing experience, not only to me but to all mothers out there.


xoxo Mrs Fashionista

Fashionista Mommy Adventures: Six Months Later

Or should I say almost seven months later...

This is definitely one of my favorite shots, a photo of me, hubs and Alexa at Normah Medical Specialist taken by Farhah. Thank you for sharing the photo with us. Alexa's about three days old then. 

This is what I've learnt so far as a mommy:

1. To be patient

Alexa getting her head shaved when she was about three and a half months old. She does have her tantrums once in a while and usually I'd tell her, "Yes, Alexa, I know that it's very, very tough being a little person and unable to convey a message on what's wrong but if it makes you feel better, then cry you must. Let mummy give you a hug to make you feel better."

This is a MUST! Being a mommy is definitely a challenge, as one of my old schoolmates, Alex mentioned during our mini reunion dinner (only five turned up for this mini reunion), raising a child is challenging but it'll get better sooner or later. I've learnt that it takes awhile to get used to the oh so many things in mommyhood i.e. the fussing, crying (though normally I do find that Alexa is one of the most unfussy baby ever!), whimpering (usually when she's sleepy) and especially when you're in a hurry and there's like a million things to settle. So I've learnt to take a deep breath, smile and laugh and take it as one of the experiences that I'm sure I'm going to miss when she's older.

2. To be alert

One of the things that I didn't know before motherhood is that there's plenty of cues that a baby can send out to alert mommies of the many things that they need/ want and if you're alert of those signals, it really makes it easier for you meet the needs and wants of the baby before they need to cry/ wail to get your attention.

Alexa at about five days old. During the early days I couldn't sleep well for fear that I wouldn't hear her crying (when she needed to feed etc). She used to wake up every one and a half or two hours for a feed then. Those days are long past now and I am extremely confident in my ability to wake up at her slightest whimper (although I have caught myself waking up to Alexa lying on me due to me falling asleep soon as she's latched on to feed). 

In Alexa's case, usually she'd stare at my boobies (she is breastfed after all) to hint that she'd like to breastfeed (because if she's full she would be preoccupied with playing and exploring her surroundings). If staring doesn't alert me, then she'd let out a whimper (and if she's in my arms, usually she'd bang her head at my boobies). Usually by that time I'd be ready to feed her so she does not have to resort to crying/ wailing to get me to feed her. 

Me nursing Alexa at Dubai Restaurant in Itaewon, Seoul. A nursing cover/ poncho is definitely a must-bring item for us. It's not only useful for times like these, it also doubles as a blanket for Alexa or a shoulder wrap for me when it's cold. 

3. I can't DO everything

Although I do breastfeed Alexa, she has stopped exclusive breastfeeding since she's about five months old. And since then she has to be supplemented with formula (during the day) although she's breastfed whenever she's with me (i.e. during the night or weekends and public holidays when I'm with her). I find it to be rather challenging to find a suitable time to pump (I am in the teaching line therefore it is definitely not possible for me to pump when teaching in class) and sometimes due to work demands and lack of time at most I can pump a maximum of three times a day and minimum of once a day (and on some days when it's really hectic, I can't even find the time to pump at all). Initially I was really, really stressed out by the fact that my supply has dropped (due to stress, failing to pump on schedule and dehydration) and I can't supply enough to Alexa but now I've rather accepted the fact that sometimes I can't pump and sometimes I can. I reckon it's better to enjoy the moment as it is and breastfeed as long as possible.

4. Make the most out of what I have

There's too many things to do in life and sometimes we do feel as if we're in a rush (this semester is one of the most stressful semester I've ever experienced due to a heavy teaching load i.e. 20 hours of teaching and updates in the syllabus due to changes in the current financial environment in Malaysia) so on busier days I actually spend only ONE HOUR with Alexa (excluding her sleeping hours) and this makes me really disappointed but then again, I try to make the most of the time that I have with her and ensure that she gets my full attention within the time that we're able to spend together.

In case you're wondering, that ONE HOUR period consists of 30 MINUTES in the morning where I'd wake her up to give her a bath (this is usually where I'd sing or talk to her) followed by grooming where I'd give her a little massage while putting some baby oil (on her head/ hair), baby lotion (all over her body), baby balm (on her bum) and aromatic oil (minyak telon/ minyak yuyi or minyak kayu putih) for her tummy and back. The other 30 MINUTES usually happens when I come back late from work (she's already bathed by the maid then) and we spend time playing together (usually she'd be on her tummy and I'd either be on my tummy too or sometimes she'd be sitting in my lap and I'd be reading a book to her).

Another one of my favorite moments is when Alexa got to accompany us for Eid-ul Adh prayers. She's about five months old then. Am trying to slot in more times for me to recite the Quran with her on my lap, Inshaa Allah.

5. Be thankful

This is us with Alexa on the ERL back from Kuala Lumpur when she was 4 months old. 

This is among the things that I constantly remind myself about. I am definitely thankful for what Allah has given to me, Alexa is an absolutely wonderful gift (despite the hectic schedule, lack of sleep, waking up several times in the middle of night for feeding during her first month or so, lack of rest etc.) I definitely cherish this moment and if possible would like to treasure for as long as I can.

6. Having a good support system is important

Hubs and Alexa during breakfast at Hilton Hotel, Kuching. We decided to check in to the hotel to join in the fun during Regatta (an annual boat race event in Kuching). Alexa is about 3 months and a week old then. 

Having people to help out is really, really important as it can get taxing (especially if you're a first time mom or maybe more so when you have more children later on) so having people around you to help out is definitely useful. We do have a maid at home that helps out with the cooking and cleaning and my grandma, my mom and in laws (sometimes) do help out in looking after Alexa during the day (and the night when we need to attend dinner functions or simply go out for a date night). This enables us to take time off from the baby and focus on what is most important in the family, us. I do believe that in order for a family to be strong the parents (or parent if you're a single mother or father) must be able to show love, patience, strength and stability to the child.

If you need support in bringing up your child or maybe there's a question that's on your mind, you can join this amazing mummy support group that I joined on Facebook, click [here]. There's plenty of questions, discussions even sales and purchase made in the group and the best part is, they're all trying their best to cope with motherhood too.

The great-grandmother and her great-granddaughter. Alexa is about six months and three weeks old when this photo was taken. Granny (with the help of our maid of course) looks after her during the day when I'm at work. 

As a mom of an almost seven months old baby, this are the things that I have found out:

1. Preparing for a baby is definitely a good thing

Having the nine months to prepare for the baby's arrival and reading books on What to Expect When You're Expecting (this one helped me during my pregnancy), French Children don't Throw Food and Brain Rules for Baby really helped me handle certain things with Alexa.

Among the things that I learnt from the book is on training her to sleep. What we did was to train her brain to recognize day and night (this training started right after we came back from the hospital). When she sleeps during the day I'd make sure that the room is bright and when it's night time we'd switch off the lights at around 8.30 pm and just relied on a night light. Even when she wakes up for her night feeds, the room is still in darkness (except for the night light). So now whenever we want her to sleep, usually between 8.30 pm to 10 pm (sometimes we do get home late and Alexa is a light sleeper so she'd wake up when we carry her to bed) we'd put her under the covers and switch off the lights. The best part is, she'd be out in minutes after switching off the lights! However, I do have to remind myself that consistency is the key to success therefore I must make sure that she's in bed latest by 10 pm and if I want to settle some work/ chores, I have to do them in the dark with the help of the night light or should I need some light I do the work in the living room or dining room instead.

2. Babies are a blank canvas

A baby develops the habits that you impart to them therefore it is good to teach them good habits. Like when teaching Alexa to use the car seat, it took us a good two weeks to get her used to being in a car seat when she's in the car. This training started when she's about two months old (about a month before I had to start work). We'd put her in the car seat and I'd send hubs to work (about 10 - 15 minutes drive away). When she was first in the car seat, she cried her eyes out and wailed so loudly that I had to stop by the side of the road and calm her down before continuing to drive back home. This occurred for several days (her crying and me having to stop by the side of the road). About a week later she did kinda get used to having to sit in the car seat but not for long (usually for about 10 minutes or so before starting to cry). However the crying was not as loud as when we first started training her in the car seat therefore we decided to just drive back home (and at the same time talk to her/ hold her hand etc). We succeeded almost two weeks later and from then on she's in the car seat whenever we're in the car.

Hubs putting Alexa in the car seat. She's almost two months old here. The uneven patch of hair is due to her mom (that's me) shaving her hair unevenly when she was about a month old. 

Here she is peacefully sleeping during one of the car rides. She's about two months and a half here. 

Here's Alexa at six months old all relaxed in the car seat. This was not taken in the car but actually at a restaurant where we decided to bring the car seat out and let her sit in it while we have breakfast. 

3. Baby gadgets/ gears are a good thing

Among the things that I've bought in helping me out are a sterilizer, bottle warmer and now a steamer and blender (all from Philips). I am still using the sterilizer especially for my breast pump and milk storage bottles a few times a week and the bottle warmer is now used for warming her food daily (her food is prepared twice a week and refrigerated). I recently bought the steamer and blender after she turned six months and am using it several times a week to prepare her food (I have to be honest here that it's not me using it but the maid). I've stopped using the manual pump and have since replaced it with an electric double pump which I've been bringing to work daily.

Here's Alexa at six months in a bumbo seat (it was given to her as a present by my cousins during my confinement) complete with a washable plastic bib getting ready for her solids. The bumbo seat has been really great (she hated it first but got used to it later) in helping us during her meal times and we even let her join us in the kitchen (where we plop the bumbo seat on the kitchen table) when I cook and during our mealtimes. 

The stroller, diaper bag and car seat (we have two car seats so we haven't really used the one that we bought but am using another that was given as a gift to us) is permanently left/ installed in the car and we use it whenever we're out. I'll post a review on all those later as my blogging time is rather limited now due to me having to juggle between work and focusing on the baby (and also spending time with hubs). Hubs did mention that he's grateful we did not get an expensive diaper bag (and I agree with what he says) because the diaper bag is among one of the most well used (hint: abused) items in my baby gear.

Alexa sleeping in the stroller when she was about three weeks old. One of the features on the stroller that we feel is very important is its ability to fully recline and so far we're really happy with the performance of this Esprit Sun Plus 11 stroller.

4. Be prepared to change/ adapt to circumstances

Alexa at six months and three weeks in the shopping trolley. Oh how time flies when you're having fun!

There are some things that goes on as we planned (like using the car seat and stroller whenever we're out) and some did not happened as planned. Among one of them is the baby cot (we bought Graco Pack n Play as Alexa's baby cot and later play pen) which we did not use as much as we hoped to. Although we initially planned on Alexa sleeping in the playpen, which we did practice in the early days (she slept in the bassinet in the first month or so because she's super tiny and we're afraid that we might accidentally squish her), however we find that we enjoyed co-sleeping with her more than letting her sleep in her own cot. Therefore she's co-sleeping with us (for now) and is only left in the playpen when we're in the shower/ toilet (so she does use the playpen daily, just not for sleep though).

Here's Alexa at six months and a half during one of the rare afternoons when I'm at home. So I let her in the baby cot while I try to complete marking my students' papers. 

She complained (cried) about an hour and a half later so I decided to let her join me and play next to me instead. And no, I did not get much work done that afternoon. But I did enjoy having her as company. 

5. Don't sweat the small stuff

 

You know that a baby's development (weight and size) are plotted on a graph whenever you go the clinic right? Don't worry if your baby is less or more than the national average. Alexa is petite for her age, currently (at seven months) she's only weighing roughly about 7 kilos (she was born weighing 3.05 kilos) and a lot of people have commenting how small she is. As Dr. Jack Newman (and Alexa's pediatrician) mentioned, as long as she's feeding well, pooping and peeing (for breastfeeding mommies who are unsure of how much milk they're producing, wet diapers = plenty of milk) well, despite the lack of weight gain or size, as long as she's well fed, she's alright. However, should you notice frequent than usual poops, increase in temperature (fever), lack of interest in eating, or anything of concern, bring her to the doctor immediately.

 

So motherhood is all about being flexible and being able to do it in your own way and imprinting to your young ones the habits and experiences that they'll bring with them when they're older. Yes I do have people coming up to me and commenting (negatively) on certain things that I do (specifically bringing a three-month old baby to Seoul and also letting a six-month old sit in the trolley). Those comments I do take with a pinch of salt. If needed, I'll amend my actions accordingly (like taking her out of the trolley about a minute later). I do have moments where I need some space, and I do take a breather once in a while (same thing applies to hubs too) but what I find to be most important is to cherish the moments as and when they come (like enjoying having Alexa next to me when I sleep or getting to play with her and get her up in giggles).

Looking forward to her seventh-month birthday tomorrow and many more future birthdays to come.

To love and positivity.

 

 

xoxo Mrs Fashionista

Fashionista Mommy Adventures: Breastfeeding in Seoul

At the end of last August, we went for a trip to Seoul, Korea, bringing with us our newborn baby, Alexa (who was only 3 months at the time) and was joined by my brother and sister-in-law, Zyan. Some had commented that Alexa was too young to be on a trip overseas (the flight from Kuala Lumpur to Seoul took about 6 hours) but the thought of bringing Alexa with us was not made on purpose; our tickets were booked even before we knew that I was pregnant with Alexa. After much deliberation, we decided to bring her along (because she's breastfeeding so it made a lot of sense to bring her along on this trip).

 

Breastfeeding in Seoul is actually a pleasant experience as all of its metro stations are equipped with a nursing room. Here's some of the photos: 

 

Here's one at Gapyeong Station, the station that you have to get off if you're intending to go to Nami Island.

 

However, the room is locked most of the time so you may want to go to the station's management office and request them to unlock the room for you.

 

Inside the nursing room at Gapyeong Station. The room is equipped with a basin to wash your hands, a changing table and right next to the changing table is actually a sofa where you can nurse in peace. 

Nami library at Nami Island.

The nursing room is located inside Nami library, so you may want to walk right through this door to get to the library. 

 

Here's the entrance to the library.

 

The door to the nursing room is located at just behind the entrance to the library. I just love the cheerful colors!

 

And here's the inside of the nursing room, it's equipped with a changing table, a microwave (for I'm not sure what because you're not supposed to heat up breastmilk with the microwave), a baby cot, a changing table and a bench for you to nurse.

 

At Lotte Department Store, Myeongdong:

 

 

This is among the best place to nurse that I've ever been to! There's a baby care centre located at the kids section in the department store (if I'm not mistaken it's located at the 5th floor of the building) and this place is equipped with a changing station, a waiting area complete with couches, a very helpful staff that can help and guide hapless parents like me, a private nursing room and a private sleeping corner for the babies.

 

 

The entrance to the baby care centre. Here's the waiting area complete with its green couch. Some parent even chose to feed their babies here and there's some highchairs provided just for that.

 

The view from the sleeping area. There are about six baby cots in this area, it's actually very quiet here as there's a glass door separating this area making the room very, very quiet.

 



 

Alexa in the baby cot. Actually at this moment she was quite grumpy because she's too tired from all the excitement and sleepy at the same time. However, despite the soothing music that they had on in the room and the cool conditioning system, Alexa only managed to sleep for only 10 minutes =(.

 

 



 

The nursing area. This area is separated by a piece of fabric covering the door opening. The room is complete with several nursing pillows and a humidifier. It could comfortably fit about six to seven mummies at the same time (it's that big!).

 

At Itaewon Station:

 



 

The nursing room is located inside the station's management office.

 

And it's also complete with a changing station, washbasin and sofa.

At Seoul Tower:

 

This one was rather small though, the nursing room was equipped with the basic sink, changing table and sofa but the sofa was placed right behind the door so it wasn't very comfortable as you might have to watch out for people opening the door and the door hitting you while you are nursing.

 

At Seoul Incheon Airport:

 

This one was located at the departure hall (there were some mommies using the room so I couldn't take any photos of the room's facilities).

And this one is located also at the departure hall, after you've gone through immigrations before boarding your flight.

So, if you're traveling with a baby to Seoul, be rest assured that Seoul is very baby friendly, every metro station (and most of their department stores) are equipped with a nursing room, just make sure you look for this sign:

I love my experience of traveling to Seoul and I love the fact that they respect the mothers enough so much so that there's plenty of nursing and diaper changing rooms everywhere and there's even special seats for pregnant mommies, or mommies with kids on the metro.

 

Here's my brother with his six months pregnant wife in the metro =).

So for mommies who are planning to travel to Seoul, be rest assured, there's plenty of nursing and diaper changing rooms in Seoul =).

However, the metro stations are not very stroller friendly so it might be wise to invest in a good baby carrier. Luckily we bought an ergo carrier specifically for the trip and ended up using it everyday!

Have a great trip!


xoxo Mrs Fashionista