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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Midnight waking hours


I can't sleep. I feel like I might have been affected more than I'd like to admit by Jimmy's death. To that I've tried to escape in my work, by watching movies, by doing all I can not to think about it.

But the fact is, I still do think about it. Think about the fact how such a young, energetic, bubbly, funny guy is finally gone. No, I am not close to Jimmy. My fiance is. And through his stories of their younger days, I feel like I know him, only too well. It's no wonder that, in my fiance's loss, it became my loss too.

Best buddies they are. This photo was taken in 2001 during their university days =p

Last night I woke up at 2.30 am. Immediately when I woke up, my thoughts drifted to Jimmy. I hope he's well, wherever he is. My mum says that the departed is able to observe us within seven days of his death. I wonder what Jimmy thinks when he's looking at us? I wonder if he's in pain or is he in a better place? There are so many things that I wonder of, and so many questions, all left unanswered. Of course I say my prayers to him. I hope that the little prayers that I send is able to help him in any small way. But then again, I continue to wonder, does my prayer even help?

And so last night, I cried. It's not easy to admit and I am certainly no crybaby. But I cried over the lost of a life, a friend and over the fact that his daughter will never know her father, his mother will never get to see him again, his father will never get to hear his voice, his brother will never joke with him again, his friends (who misses him so terribly) will never get the chance to pick up the phone and catch up with him again.

How fleeting life is. How small and insignificant we are. One life lost and the world didn't even know it. And the same thing occurs for everybody. Ain't that sad?

Innalillah. Allah loves him more. Of that I am sure.